Maybe you’ve always found anal sex intriguing but never worked up the guts to try it, or perhaps you weren’t curious until a friend started singing its praises. No matter the reason behind your attraction to the idea, diving into that uncharted sexual territory can be scary.
What if it hurts like crazy? Or you completely lose control of your bowels at the worst moment possible? There are plenty of valid concerns, but it’s also possible to overcome those feelings and potentially discover a mind-blowing new activity that becomes a bedroom staple. Here, two experts explain everything you need to know about anal sex before you try it.
1. Anal sex can feel unbelievably good.
Like, eyes rolling back in your head, want to do nothing but this for the rest of your life good. The anal region is rich in nerve endings that can make for a delightful experience. “The pudendal nerve is a huge nerve stemming from the bottom of the spine,” Jamil Abdur-Rahman , M.D., board-certified ob/gyn and Chairman of Obstetrics and Gynecology at Vista East Medical Center in Waukegan, Illinois, tells SELF.
The pudendal nerve extends to the rectum, bladder,
vagina, and most other areas of the pelvic region. “It’s only 20 percent motor fibers, which are the ones that control the movement of those areas,” says Abdur-Rahman. The other 80 percent are reserved for sensation, meaning it’s basically a pleasure jackpot.
It’s great news on its own, but it gets even better if you’re a fan of G-spot action. “The G-spot is on front wall of the vagina,” Hilda Hutcherson, M.D., assistant professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Columbia University Medical Center and author of
Pleasure, tells SELF. “The tissue between the rectum and vagina is so very thin that sometimes anal pressure is transferred to anterior wall of vagina, stimulating the G-spot very well,” she says.
2. But it’s normal to feel nervous about trying it out.
You might fear pain, potentially having a bowel movement, or injuring yourself. With enough preparation, your chance of experiencing any negative physical repercussions decreases in a big way.
Then, of course, there’s the hush-hush nature of the activity. “Women can be hesitant because of the taboo,” says Abdur-Rahman. First of all, exploring your body via sex is never something to be ashamed of as long as everything is consensual. Second, the fact that both these doctors frequently get asked about anal sex is proof that you’re not the only one who’s intrigued!
3. Embarrassing anal moments aren’t very common.
There’s no scientific literature to back this up (surprise, surprise), but Abdur-Rahman and Hutcherson both note that having a bowel movement during anal intercourse isn’t common enough to truly worry about. In a sense, your body has natural safeguards against passing a bowel movement during anal sex.
“When you have a bowel movement, the muscles surrounding the rectum will spasm, and that’s what pushes stool out,” says Abdur-Rahman. “Typically with anal sex, those muscles get somewhat distended, so they tend to be somewhat sluggish and don’t reflexively contract that much.”
4. But if you’re worried, you can do things to minimize that risk.
With that said, it can happen, but you can do your best to avoid it. Abdur-Rahman recommends staying away foods that make you
gassy or constipated, like cruciferous vegetables, fresh fruit, and whole grains, for about eight to 10 hours before you plan on having anal sex.
He also suggests going to the bathroom two to four hours before you do the deed so there’s less chance of any residual stool in your rectum.
If you’re still terrified at the prospect of something slip out, you can take a drugstore enema, but Hutcherson says she doesn’t often recommend that. “Feces doesn’t typically just sit in the rectum without you feeling the need to go,” she says. She also notes that panicking about something that might happen but probably won’t can make it harder to enjoy the experience. “Look at it as a natural activity, so you don’t need to do a lot of preparation,” she says.
5. Lubricant is an absolute must.
Your superstar vagina is a self-lubricating machine, unlike your rectum (which is also cool, but you know, it just doesn’t do that). “The vagina has all kinds of glands, primarily the Bartholin and Skene’s glands, which produce lubricant naturally,” says Abdur-Rahman. Without lubricant during anal sex, you’re at risk for pain and potentially even tearing the fragile tissue around your anus.
Both experts recommend silicone-based lubricants over water- or oil-based varieties. “Silicone-based lubricants don’t break down condoms like oil-based ones do, and they’re also thicker and tend to stay around for a long time,” says Hutcherson. But if you’re using a silicone toy with a condom on it for penetration, water-based is the way to go, as silicone can damage silicone toys.
6. If you used a condom for anal sex, swap it out for a new one before vaginal intercourse.
Otherwise, potentially harmful bacteria can hitch a ride into your vagina and cause all sorts of problems. “There’s bacteria in the gut that you don’t typically find in the vagina, like E. coli, bacteroides, and peptococcus,” says Abdur-Rahman. They can cause infections like bacterial vaginosis or even go further up into other parts of your reproductive anatomy like your uterus or fallopian tubes, possibly leading to pelvic inflammatory disease (PID). “Pelvic inflammatory disease can be severe enough to cause infertility, so hygiene during anal intercourse is especially important,” says Abdur-Rahman.
7. For the best chance at anal sex success, go slowly.
Even with enough lubricant, take your time. This level of precaution is due to what medical practioniers call the “anal wink.”
“The muscles around the anus will involuntarily spasm when you touch the area,” says Abdur-Rahman. “Once they get used to the sensation, the nervous system realizes it isn’t unusual, so you don’t have involuntary spasming.” He suggests having your partner massage the area until you feel relaxed. They can also start with a pinky finger or similarly-sized toy made specifically for anal sex before moving on to a penis or bigger toy.
8. Certain positions may be better for the first few times.
Choose a sex position that puts you in control so you can make sure you’re comfortable. Hutcherson recommends being on top or lying side by side.
9. Just like with all other sexual activity, you should only have anal sex if YOU want to.
You should never feel as though you’re being forced into it in any way. Not only is that just not OK, it also makes it more likely that you’ll have a bad experience. “It’s difficult to relax if you feel pressured, which means the sphincter that keeps the anus closed will also not relax enough to have pleasurable intercourse without pain,” says Hutcherson.
And even if you’re 100 percent down to try it out, if it doesn’t feel good in the moment, that’s perfectly OK. “It’s best if you talk about it before you start, and if you’re feeling uncomfortable, you can say ‘slow down’ or ask to stop,” says Hutcherson. Remember: good communication